???

I don't even know what to think right now. Hubby is super excited that Facebook doesn't even want to do a 2nd interview before flying him out. I am so happy for his self confidence as it's needed the boost. What if they make him an offer though? Where will we live in the bay area? A tiny piece of shit to call our own for $800,000 or rent for$$3000 a month. I am used to owning my own property. I want to be able to afford to flip some property out there but ARGH on the housing. I know it's horrible to set my heart on something else but I did. At least the schools are great out there vs where I want to live. But for $300,000 I can build a house wiht a pool that's screened in, around 2800 sq ft, on a lake with access to bigger lakes, in an area everyone will want to visit. I'll never see my family with this scenario. I could see myself happy in scenario 2 but I won't rule out the first deal. I just won't let myself. Kat will thrive, B will thrive, I will hopefully survive. I just don't know how bad I'll worry about money out there.

I feel like I took a wrong turn in my life somewhere. I feel like crying from the stress but nooo I have to be strong and not have it look like I'm raining on hubby's parade. Nevermind it's pouring on mine.

Google people are idiots

In all honesty, hubby has admitted he's not the best at technical phone interviews. However, I think he should have been given a chance at an in person interview. He's a fucking genius and would do any company proud. He works like a dog and he hates the company he's at. Imagine if he loved the place! ARGH! He's a guru and he's been written off and Apple was turned down because of the pay grade. I hate that I can't say "oh, honey take a huge pay cut so you can work at the job of your dreams." Unfortunately real life kicks in and says "uh, BILLS to pay and housing out there is too damn expensive." So, where will we end up? Who the hell knows. He could be staying at his job that he hates or looking all over. I just have to veto the east coast based on mental health reasons. Unless it's the southern east coast. So, for the foreseeable future I'll be freezing my ass off for winters. It sucks because people hibernate here and don't do a damn thing socially.

In the mean time I've torn a muscle in my chest under my boob, on the side. It hurts like a bitch and I can't do anything to get this flab off me since I keep retearing the damn muscle. I know. Patience...but I have NONE!

I'm sick of hearing about Jesus and all the religious BS from Kat's school plus the costs keep rising. So, we're going to switch to public schools. Not thrilled about the educational value but the social value and art classes will be great for her. She'll get to go to school with her friends from the neighborhood which is a huge plus. I went to a private school with no one from my neighborhood and a public Magnet program that was out of my district. I never had any friends close by.

Just beat me over the heat with a 2x4.

More real now

Hubby had a great interview with Apple last night and now it all seems more real. Google is still his first choice but now competing offers!yay Ok, but now if he's out there mid March I'm on my own as a single parent until the end of June. YIKES! I know people do it all the time but I've never had to and I have a very active dad and husband. He does a lot of dishes, cooking and laundry plus I'd have to go through the house on my own besides daily shit. I'll live but man will it be lonely. I figure it will be good for me because I'll miss him so much I'll exercise like a fiend and clean like a mad woman. Why can't I think of any thing else right now? I should be fostering friendships but it seems pointless if we'll be moving.

I need to get my list together of what all to order for Kat's party. Ok, I've ordered 30 invites and instead of gift bags we're going to throw some rings on the table and stickers on the plates. It's at Chuck-E-Cheese so they can win their damn gifts. Do you realize how much Scooby Doo stuff costs? I was going to buy her some Scooby Doo stuff for her birthday and holy crap! It's expensive! We wouldn't invite so many kids but since we most likely will be moving... Why not?

I hate not being the best at something. Hubby is addicted to guitar hero and I've been playing a bit but he kicks my ass when he's on medium and I'm on easy. Even though I've gotten gold stars on the first song. It irritates me. Know what else irritates me? My ribs hurt. I had a bad coughing fit with Pneumonia and it's still not better. It's right under my right breast and ouch. I did pilates today and it really hurt like a bitch. I'll give it another week then see about having my boob squished or something. No Cancer! Maybe I'll wait until we're under the new insurance so if there is something it won't be a pre-existing condition. We'll see how bad it hurts next week.

She lives!

Yes, I am alive! Still sick but alive none the less. I called the doctor's office at 7:30 this morning to get in to see my primary doctor. No such luck but they found me a doctor to see today. Why do we have a primary doctor if we can't get in to see them? Anyway, I went back to bed, woke up and picked up the child from school then went to the doctor. My doctor had a last minute cancellation so I actually got to see her. Amazing. Anyway, everything going on has probably been viral so there is nothing anyone can do. I did find out my lungs are doing great so that's not a worry anymore and over doing things will just make me tired but not sick. Good, I have to start shoveling out the dirt from being sick for weeks. Now if I could get the muscles over my chest to quit being so sore I'd be even better. I'm bored with myself. Horribly bored but I can't go see anyone since I can't share this illness with anyone. *sigh* I still feel half in and half out of normal but I'm not coughing until I pee my pants anymore.

HAHA

Hubby must have read today's blog. He wants me to play guitar hero tonight to "get my mind off of things." Too funny. Good guy but I'm having trouble getting the big draw of GH. If I wouldn't gack myself into a coma I'd rather do the dance dance thing.

Hiding from my clothes

Ok, still sick as a dog and really frustrated by it. I sat on my bathroom floor and went through a ton of stuff. My sister is getting a bag of goodies. I still kept a lot of the stuff but if we do end up moving she'll be getting an even better bag of goodies. How on earth did I accumulate so much crap? That was just the bathroom, I still have junk drawers galore, the linen closet, my craft closet and I want to hide from my clothes. I hate my clothes. Actually I love some of it but it's all the stuff I'm too fat to fit into. How did I end up back this huge size? I have ugly stuff since I refuse to buy an new stuff in this horrible size. Let me tell you what I'm hiding from here. I have a huge walk in closet that is crammed full of clothes, I have 2 big dressers crammed full of clothes. It's daunting to say the least. I'm definitely not up to that chore today.

I've been going back and forth on the moving anxiety. Hubby got down from not hearing anything and I started thinking, ok, gotta make things work here again. Ok, status quo so no biggie. Then he hears back from Google and they are looking at him for a pretty elite team. Root team! This is the most perfect fit for him ever and he's nervous as hell about it all. He hasn't done an interview for 8+ years. Given them plenty but not been on that side so he's studying like a maniac to brush up on everything.

So now I'm back to the moving anxiety. Renting this house, who's going to handle that for us. The idea of missing out of so many family things. Finding a new place to live. Figuring out rent and then the pre-foreclosure market there. Being sick as hell and I need to get going on Kat's birthday party stuff. Oh and what about the school stuff? New doctors. Have to get into the headache clinic down there. And I'm out of my sleep medication. Maybe I'll be able to pull off some sleepless nights and days and get my sleep schedule back. Insomnia used to be a good thing because I could do a ton of stuff at night but now I can't because I'll wake up either the kid or the hubby.

Peanut butter and honey on whole wheat toast is the only thing that's tasted good to me all week.

WTH

Ok, I'm starting to come back to the land of the living but it is extremely painful. I'm still gacking up a lung and oozing crud out of my face, even my eyes. Hubby went to work today and the child is being good for me. I feel bad for her since I know she's just lonely and wants someone to play with her. That just can't be me right now. Hubby let her fake her way out of school yesterday so she hasn't seen another child her age since Friday. Of course she's stir crazy. Instead of doing something about it he just yells at the poor kid. Why? Because he's not feeling well either plus he's stressed. I get it but I just don't have it in me to be there right now. I'm trying to start picking up the pieces from where I left off before getting so sick. This includes picking stuff up that I dragged out. Now, this should be easy. I just pick up the stuff that is staying and put it on the empty shelf I cleared, right? NOT! Someone, *ahem* decided to fill my empty shelf with more shit. I only have about 5 minutes of energy to expend at one time and then I have to rest for like an hour so he's burned up 2 hours of my time just by being a slob. *waves* Hi honey! No getting all moody about it with me. It's just not allowed.

Now to touch on another subject. In my rant about friends I mentioned, T. Well she calls yesterday while I'm sleeping and hubby tells her about me being so sick. What does she do? Comes back with how she has Post Partum depression. Yes I feel bad for her but WTF do you want me to do about it? You ditched me? So, she goes on to tell me, after I called her back, how happy I'm going to be because she's not going back to work after summer starts. Uh, sure, ok, let me jump all over that for joy. whatever.

The kid won't eat today, probably all the junk that was left out for her so I could sleep in. Oh well! She'll eat when she's hungry.

Update on sick

So, I went to the doctor thinking they wouldn't really do anything. Turns out I have a sinus infection and pneumonia. I wasn't over reacting I guess. Here's to you Z-Pack and Prednisone!

Sick

I am so tired of being sick! How many times in one year can I catch the Crud? Yet another thing you don't think of when you decide to have children. They are Petri Dishes filled with gunk and us poor unsuspecting parents never see it coming. The kids get better quickly and we suffer for weeks and we suffer on top of the suffering. There's nothing like listening to a 4 year old whining about how you won't play with them when all you want to do is curl up on the couch and sleep. Add in that they need things like food and you just feel all put upon. So, what do you do? Slap some lunch meat and cheese on a plate, poor some milk in a cup and hope that the child will be self sufficient for at least 15 minutes. Hubby has been great about just letting me exist and sleep this weekend but now I have tomorrow looming large. Another day like last week and I'm going to lose my mind. Really, how long can a person be this sick for? I've had it. I'm going to the doctor as soon as I can get together enough energy to shower the funk off me.

Friends

Ahh that elusive quest for true friendship. It really can be like a marriage with children involved and time management issues. The old Cost/Benefit analysis of do I get a decent return for my expenditure. It can be hard and you can get burned and spurned. I know I have. Let's look at my last really close friendship. We were both stay at home moms with professional husbands in an upper middle class neighborhood. We met in the summer of 2005 when my dughter was 2 and hers was only 9 months old. I love her little girl so much! She's so cute but it got really old having my daughter always be the one doing something wrong, in T's mind. I've realized over time how completely self absorbed this woman is. She fits in pretty well in this Stepford like neighborhood. She went back to working as a manager of a retail store and the times I would spend with her after that she was always on the phone with work or some other friend from out of town. The way she was on the phone with work you'd think she was managing a store like Bloomindgdales at the Mall of America. Let me assure you this is not the case and for the amount of money she makes, factoring the tax bracket, it's just not worth it. Not to mention what she pays in child care. However, she is happier with her life and I'm glad for that but I feel like some piece of trash left on the side of the highway.
So, I continue in my quest for new good friends with things in common. Lest you think I have no one in my life, I can assure you, that's not the case. I have close friends that we've drifted apart somewhat. Raising kids in different cities will do that but I know I can call them anytime. Whether we'll be able to get together is another story, as well as if our kids get along. This leads me to the internet. I've become part of a group online but even then you wonder how much you're accepted for who you are. Why do I care so much about what some faceless people think about me? A lot are people that I'd never spend time with in my real life but to have arguments online still stings. Then I get the lonely and depressed feeling because I'm pathetically looking on the internet for friends. I'm not socially stunted and I meet people all the time. Things just don't seem to progress to that next level.

Baby, it's cold outside!

It's cold as hell out. It's 0 outside, as in nothing, zero, zip but of course it feels like it's -12. Like it matters when it's that cold. The Bay Area just keeps looking more and more appealing. Of course this is all I think about as I'm trapped inside like a damn hermit. Hubby has his resume into Google, Redhat, Apple and Cisco so it's just the waiting to hear right now. We can make a great move there if the offer is just above a lateral move. Thank whomever that hubby is a handy guy and we can pick up a foreclosure to live in and flip. Of course this means I'm staring at DIY and HGTV channels all the time and planning what I have to do and how to keep the kid occupied while I do so. Why don't more people go this route? It's too much money saved not to look at it. And with all this goes some lovely anxiety driven dreams. Did I mention I'm on too many cold drugs too? Anyway, it all equates to vivid dreams about how many people could fit into our existing house. In my dream there were 16! Cozy little bedrooms made out of the walk-in closets, the master bedroom split into two rooms, 2 each in the other 3 bedrooms and the rest in the finished basement. Since we're contemplating renting it's quite the nightmare to envision along with people with dogs and cats that aren't well behaved or trained. As to why renting and not selling, because the market in this neighborhood is crap. All due to the new builds still being put up.

Other random musings of the night....
*Hubby needs a haircut, not to mention a shower
*How much longer until I feel better?
*How much weight have I lost while being sick?
*How bad is it really when your 4 (almost 5) year old says "Too much TV for me!" after quoting commercials?
*Will hubby really do the litter boxes for me like I asked?

That is truly how boring I am tonight. Wow do I feel pathetic.